Am I really doing this – again?!

I asked myself this question at least 27 times as I was filling out the registration for this site. After all, this is not my first attempt at keeping a blog. If you’ve known me for a while, you may remember a wayward journey called Stevie the ’53

Originally, I had big dreams for that little blog about a vintage 1953 canned ham trailer. I was going to travel all the time! I would go to amazing places, and take amazing pictures, and get as many followers as possible! Heck, maybe I could even pull a sponsorship or two and get paid to create! In the beginning, I thought it would be the perfect creative outlet for me. This is my thing, I thought, and it still is (but it’s only one out of 100 of my things!).

The longer I went between camping trips, the more I would stress out – not because I wanted to go camping, but because I hadn’t posted anything in two months, let alone every week like I planned! And if I wasn’t blogging, then I had to at least make sure to post a picture on Instagram every day, can’t forget that! Meanwhile, in reality I was struggling to keep up with this lifestyle I had planned out in my head. Feeling the need to connect with a bunch of followers (only a fraction that I actually knew personally) was getting tough. I felt a little stuck, and my elaborate ideas for my little blog were seeming more and more unrealistic.

Finally, I decided to try something completely different. Instead of ramping up, I took a big step back. I completely removed myself from Instagram for nearly 7 months. I only wrote oneย blog post – a fun weekender that was just a quick drive from the city. It was stress-free (except the parking, ha) and exactly what I needed to remember why I loved taking out my trailer in the first place – not the idea of being Insta-famous, but enjoying nature and spending time with those that I love.

So months later, I am starting over for what feels like the zillionth time, because we are always our own worst critics. “Am I really doing this, again?!” I asked Jacob one evening in the kitchen while he was touching all the raw chicken so I don’t have to (insert dramatic reaction to raw meat here). “Am I really going to do this, after the last one was such a failure?” And, as he always does, J knew the perfect thing to say: “It wasn’t a failure, babe. It just limited you too much.”

He’s completely right. I love to create – to share stories, experiences, photographs and the like. But limiting myself to posting about camping in my trailer was stifling – I needed more freedom and space to share whatever was on my mind. And more importantly, actually the most important thing, was that I wanted to share for myself – not for everyone else. Of course, I adore if my family or friends want to share in this with me (if you’re here reading this, I love you!), but it no longer felt crucial to spread my experiences to as many people as I could, whether I knew them in real life or not. It only mattered that I was sharing for myself.

So, to answer my own question: yes, I am doing this again. I’m expanding my horizons, learning new things every day, and excited to jump back in to a world where I can take everything that swirls around in my brain 24/7 and put it on a page. Because if I don’t…well I may just go crazy ๐Ÿ™‚

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